"Self hatred, guilt, it accomplishes nothing; it just stands in the way...in the way of true change."
-Anonymous
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Dealing with a Break Up During the Holidays
After a break up, especially a break up from a long relationship, you're going to have a lot of "firsts".....first Thanksgiving without him, first Christmas/Hanukkah without him, first birthday without him, etc.
How am I planning on getting through this "first" Holiday season without him?
How am I planning on getting through this "first" Holiday season without him?
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
In Hindsight
Did you ever have one of those moments while thinking back on a past relationship when you're like...."oh yeah, I should have seen that coming"?
Don't worry...most people have one or many of those moments. That's because a lot of people who are on their way to being "done" with a relationship use some of the same methods of distancing.
Read this article to learn how to spot relationship trouble before he surprises the shit out of you!
PS My ex used a lot of these mechanisms, so I've had a lot of the aforementioned "moments"
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
I knew this day would come...
So here I am....acting all cocky thinking...wow...I'm doing great! I know I'm doing better than I was and I know I'm in a good place.
And then that little bitch doubt comes along...
There are going to be times when you wish you could just get back together. Break ups are NOT easy...in fact they're pretty fucking hard. So many people aren't strong enough to deal with them, and they end up doing the easy thing by getting back together.
I guess SOME cases may end in a reconciliation, but I doubt that many SHOULD.
And then that little bitch doubt comes along...
There are going to be times when you wish you could just get back together. Break ups are NOT easy...in fact they're pretty fucking hard. So many people aren't strong enough to deal with them, and they end up doing the easy thing by getting back together.
I guess SOME cases may end in a reconciliation, but I doubt that many SHOULD.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Milestones...
So I hit a milestone this past weekend....I saw the ex for the first time in almost THREE MONTHS!
It was Penn's homecoming, so a lot of my friends were gathering from around the country for a weekend of celebration and debauchery. I knew it was inevitable that I would run into the ex....as I've said PLENTY of times before, we have many of the same friends.
Instead of going through the whole story, I'm going to give you a list of "do"s and "don't"s for seeing your ex for the first time. I will not specify why I've come up with these things, but you can figure it out...
1. DO look AMAZE.
It was Penn's homecoming, so a lot of my friends were gathering from around the country for a weekend of celebration and debauchery. I knew it was inevitable that I would run into the ex....as I've said PLENTY of times before, we have many of the same friends.
Instead of going through the whole story, I'm going to give you a list of "do"s and "don't"s for seeing your ex for the first time. I will not specify why I've come up with these things, but you can figure it out...
1. DO look AMAZE.
2. DO sip on some liquid courage. Sorry, but it does make things easier....
3. DON'T get too drunk and ask him about his masturbation habits......yeah......seriously....
4. DO tell him how great you're doing.
5. DON'T insult him.
6. DON'T try to go home with him. I PROMISE I DIDN'T DO THIS! Just thought it was probably worth mentioning.
7. And finally.... DO depend on your friends. Shout out to my girl A. Norb for sticking by me. This is what friendship looks like...I leave you with this gem.
And...NO...I'm not glaring at him. I really don't know what I'm glaring at, but it was not him.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Why stay?
So this is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Why do people stay in relationships even if they don't think that it's going to last forever?
I've compiled a top 4 list...
1. Comfort. If you've been in a relationship for years or even months, you're definitely comfortable there. Chances are you've settled into a smooth routine. You have someone to complain to and someone waiting for you when you come home. Though comfort in a relationship is a tempting reason to stay in it, it's not worth it in the end. You're probably in desperate need of change and growth, and no one changes when she's comfortable.
2. Fear of hurt. I used to say to my ex all the time, "You shouldn't avoid a relationship just because you're afraid that it will end." I was...mostly right. The fact is that for most people, 99% of their relationships end. Ideally, all but one of your relationships will end. Some will end in tears, some will end in screams, and some might end with a handshake (who the hell does that?!), but the point is that most relationships fail. In the beginning, that fear should not stop you from trying it out. Every relationship offers room for growth and maturing. But if you're STAYING in the relationship for fear of the end, then it's time to end it.
3. Sex. Not that all couples have sex, but if you do....you don't really want to give that up. It's nice to not have to actively pursue a partner every Friday at some grimy bar with disgusting men hitting on you and then you end up drinking too much and then you have beer goggles and then....well you know the rest. But it goes without saying that sex is not the be all, end all. It's definitely not something that should keep you in a bad relationship. There's always this option! Bedroom Kandi
4. Friendship. Most people in good relationships would describe their boyfriends/girlfriends as their "best friend." And it makes sense. If you're spending most of your time with that person then you're probably telling them everything about your life. They know more about you then most other people. And it's scary to think that, if and when you break up, that person still holds all of that information and all of that responsibility. But the reality is that there are most likely other people in your life that will be there for you in your time of need. Rely on your other friends, and you'll be surprised how supportive they can be.
There are other reasons for avoiding break-ups like...money, children, etc....but I have no experience with that shizz, and I'm not going to pretend like I do...
I've compiled a top 4 list...
1. Comfort. If you've been in a relationship for years or even months, you're definitely comfortable there. Chances are you've settled into a smooth routine. You have someone to complain to and someone waiting for you when you come home. Though comfort in a relationship is a tempting reason to stay in it, it's not worth it in the end. You're probably in desperate need of change and growth, and no one changes when she's comfortable.
2. Fear of hurt. I used to say to my ex all the time, "You shouldn't avoid a relationship just because you're afraid that it will end." I was...mostly right. The fact is that for most people, 99% of their relationships end. Ideally, all but one of your relationships will end. Some will end in tears, some will end in screams, and some might end with a handshake (who the hell does that?!), but the point is that most relationships fail. In the beginning, that fear should not stop you from trying it out. Every relationship offers room for growth and maturing. But if you're STAYING in the relationship for fear of the end, then it's time to end it.
3. Sex. Not that all couples have sex, but if you do....you don't really want to give that up. It's nice to not have to actively pursue a partner every Friday at some grimy bar with disgusting men hitting on you and then you end up drinking too much and then you have beer goggles and then....well you know the rest. But it goes without saying that sex is not the be all, end all. It's definitely not something that should keep you in a bad relationship. There's always this option! Bedroom Kandi
4. Friendship. Most people in good relationships would describe their boyfriends/girlfriends as their "best friend." And it makes sense. If you're spending most of your time with that person then you're probably telling them everything about your life. They know more about you then most other people. And it's scary to think that, if and when you break up, that person still holds all of that information and all of that responsibility. But the reality is that there are most likely other people in your life that will be there for you in your time of need. Rely on your other friends, and you'll be surprised how supportive they can be.
There are other reasons for avoiding break-ups like...money, children, etc....but I have no experience with that shizz, and I'm not going to pretend like I do...
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