It's hard to let someone go...

So at this point (3 weeks ALMOST exactly, if you were wondering...) it's getting tough, right?

You want to call and text and facebook and creep...

BUT PLEASE DON'T!

It only makes it worse. I read somewhere that Demi Moore is STILL calling Ashton Kutcher....and it just makes her look pathetic.

You don't want to be that girl.

Although I have to admit that I've been a bad girl with the texting....

BUT IT'S THE 21ST CENTURY! TEXTING IS MY LIIIIFE!

Take it day by day, but try to get rid of daily contact.

That's my advice for the night!

A New Low

I just ordered a few "break up books" from amazon

I'll be sure to share any gems I read.

All these bitches...

....on Jerseylicious are GETTING ENGAGED!

STOP RUBBING IT IN MY FACE!

TREAT YO' SELF!

In order to symbolize my new chapter, I bought myself a new bra. It's the little things.

It's not real love until my initial is on your head.

This 17 year old camper of mine is truly dedicated to his precious A'Lexsus. The A on his head stands for her. Now all those other bitches know who he belongs to!

Okay I'm not totally serious, but I did do an "aww" when I saw it.

If he loves you, he'll do this for you!!!

How to handle the first meeting post break up

Now depending on your situation, you may not ever have to see your ex again. But for you gals out there like me who need to be around your ex, the first meeting can be uber tough. 

I now know from experience.

It's weird, you know? Like, the last time I saw you you were dumping me. 

But follow this simple rule, and you're sure to be fine...

Be honest.

I didn't purposely try to make him feel bad, but I also didn't soften the blow. I told him straight up what I'm doing and how I'm doing. (I even came clean about the blog...)

I left feeling okay. It could have been a disaster, so I think this is a good sign!

busybusybusybusybusy

#1 rule?

Keep yourself busy.

DUHHHH

How to not annoy everyone around you...

Okay so if you're ANYTHING like me, you're going to want to talk about your break up over....and over....and over....and over again.

Unfortunately, no one else wants to talk about it that much. I can already tell that my mom is ready to blow, and she HAS to listen to me. I'm sure most people are thinking...

So what should you do? Well...I could tell you to blog, but then you'd be stealing my thunder. So I'm going to give you this piece of advice:

Take the amount of time you want to spend talking about it with friends/family/etc and cut it in half.

I know it's hard. I constantly have to remind myself that the people around me want to talk about other things besides my break up.

But I'm told you'll want to talk about it less and less. So there's hope!

ANOTHER SURVIVOR

Queen Camille.

courtesy @tkylemac

The Break Up Blog Playlist

This is my exact playlist. I think I've listened to this about 57 times over the last 2 weeks...it's amaze.

I tried to find songs that kind of fit my situation, but it was challenging. There's no "Take a Bow" on this because I don't want to sit and listen to a song about a cheater when that has nothing to do with my situation. But of course Queen Bey had some gems that I just couldn't leave behind.

We All Want Love - Rihanna
Farewell - Rihanna
I Care- Queen Bey
I Miss You - Queen Bey
Best Thing I Never Had - Queen Bey
Start Over - Queen Bey
Harold Song - Ke$ha
Someone Like You - Adele
Fix a Heart - Demi Lovato
Skyscraper - Demi Lovato
In Real Life - Demi Lovato

Okay so Demi, Queen Bey, and RiRi are definitely getting me through this one. THEY FEEL MY PAIN!!!!

How soon is too soon?

Okay a little bit of a more serious post here. What is the proper way to add "distance" when there's no animosity between the two parties?

As I said before, my ex and I have no hard feelings - I mean besides the fact that he ripped my heart out and stomped on it - but you know what I mean. I know we'll ultimately be friends, but what's the protocol?

So far I'm taking it day by day. If I'm feeling good that day and I don't feel the need to text him, I don't. But it's hard! There's no written rule, and I think each case is different.

I'll let you guys know if I discover the magic answer.

When it's real on Facebook, it's really REAL

It was one of the hardest parts, I'm not going to lie. Changing that relationship status took BALLS. The stakes were so high!

Because once it's on Facebook, the entire world knows. And then you'll get like 21 "likes" which really means that 15 of those people feel badly for you and 2 are happy and 4 just feel awkward enough to acknowledge that they noticed. And then you get people commenting things like...

"Oh girl don't worry there are so many fish in the sea!"

or

"WHATTTT HOW DID THIS HAPPENNNN?!?!?!?!"

...and who wants to have that shit on their timeline? I sure don't.

So here's how you do it.

I changed my relationship status to "single" but I made it so that "Only I" can see it. So now it doesn't say it on my page. And I also hid the horrible "Jess went from in a relationship to single" from all newsfeeds.

So unless someone is really checking my relationship status daily, people didn't really notice.

And that's how you get it done, girls. No shame, no humiliation, but it's really real.

CYCLES

So one of my best friends got dumped today.

Is this a coincidence? Or do best friends get dumped together as well as cycle together?

I don't know what to thinkkkkk!

If Kim can do it, so can I

Is it sad that literally my 5th big thought after the break up was...

Well Kim got through her break up and so did Rihanna and so did Katy Perry. They're all fine, so I will be too!

What do you think got them through it? Does money make a break up easier? I feel like it probably doesn't. Everyone has to go through the same stages of grief, right?! Kim can't buy her way out of a break up!

Then I realized what they do....

THESE BITCHES GO TO THE GYM!

So lemme tell you. I have been werkin it OUT at the gym. And honestly, I can listen to Someone Like You and not even think about the break up. The gym works wonders.

If you have to say "I know this is cliche..." don't say it

I'm sure you all have be given cliche advice in your lives. But cliche advice after a break up seems to be particular irritating. I cannot tell you how many people have said...

"This is probably for the best."

"All things get better in time."

"Every cloud has a silver lining."

Or some variation of those three. Honestly, like, do they think these things are helping me? Don't they know I can google "cliche" and get the same advice? I feel like I'm doing this inside my head 50% of the time my friends are giving me advice.

But listen, I get it. No one really knows what to say. It's really hard for them!

That's what I'm here for, girls. Imma be REAL WICHU!

What to do for the 12 hours after a break up?

Listen to Rihanna's "Farewell" on repeat.

Rihanna's Farewell

This was me the whole time....

Courtesy of my man @tkylemac

So you had a bad day...

Alright so I'm going to make this part short and sweet so as not to incriminate the dumper. He's not an asshole, he didn't cheat on me, he didn't text me a break up! So I just want to keep his name untarnished.

So I'll set the scene a little bit. The day that "all the evil started" (I will literally pay $100 to anyone who gets that reference) happened to be the day he was moving out of his apartment. 

I walk into the bare apartment and sit on the hardwood floor. Halfway through the dumping I actually lost blood circulation to my legs and had to stand up. I'm sure that was a really cute look. 

I was wearing jorts, a summer staple of course, a sports bra and a black tank top….it was in the middle of a heat wave. Not the ideal outfit to be broken up with in, but whatever…I could have dealt with the outfit. But the real problem was the make up. Of course I wasn't expecting to be DUMPED that day, so I didn't bother to wear my waterproof mascara. Bad decision.

I left the apartment with a roll of toilet paper in one hand, phone in the other, mascara ALL over my face (I don't think there was any left on my eyelashes), sunglasses on and with a limp from the loss of blood....I was a sight.

I'm screaming crying walking down Spruce Street not caring at all who's watching or judging me. I did make a mental note to remember the comedy of the situation. 

And that was the beginning of what promises to be a long journey.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKzYo-nI23M&feature=fvwrel

ODE TO THE DUMPED

My name is Jess, and I'm 22 years old. I just graduated from college with a degree in psychology, and I have ACTUALLY NO IDEA what I want to do with my life. I graduated in May and am currently working at a summer theater camp for pre-pubescent tweens. I am learning things like the meaning of "cake" and…no, it no longer refers to a delicious dessert. Thanks, Rihanna.

Once camp is over, I have no idea what I'm going to do!!!!! I've been convincing myself for the past few months that that was really "exciting" but really it just blows….

Oh yeah, and on top of that I just got dumped! This is my break-up guide for all you pop-cultured, fabulous, Chelsea-Handler type girls who need some guidance or for those who, frankly, just want a laugh.