GIRL POWER!

Alright people, it happened. He caved. It has been 9 days of the cleanse, and today HE TEXTED ME.

Backstory: I have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). It's really gross, and I don't want to go into the details. But basically, I get physically ill when I am stressed/sad/mad/anxious/nervous/etc.

So this text today went a little something like this:

"Hey so I know we aren't talking but you should really try cutting out artificial sweeteners and sugar alcohol and see if it helps your IBS"

Here's what I wanted to say back:

Hey so do you know what REALLLLLLY would have helped my IBS??? YOU NOT DUMPING ME OUT OF THE MOTHER FUCKING CLEAR BLUE SKY AND CAUSING ME SERIOUS EMOTIONAL PAIN.

Luckily, I kept my composure and responded with "Okay thanks"

Does he SERIOUSLY think I could lose my boyfriend AND my diet coke habit? 

HELL NAW.

Love Yourself....It's not as easy as it sounds

One week of HE-TOX down, three (or more) to go!

I have to admit, I'm feeling okay. I'm feeling better. I'm not going to go and say I'm "cured" or anything, but I am feeling better.

I've been learning a lot about life/myself/relationships/emotions/people over the last few weeks. And everyone always tells you that you have to "love yourself" before you can truly give yourself into a healthy relationship.

But how do you do that??!?!?!? Doesn't it sound stupid? How do I love myself? But it's really hard to figure it out.

So that's why I've decided to give myself a little "me-time." Don't get me wrong, I love me a "me-day", but I'm a people person. I hate being alone. Which makes this whole "being alone" thing really difficult. But over the last week or so, I've tried to just be comfortable being alone. It hasn't always worked, but I'm trying!

Take some time and get to know yourself. As lame as it sounds. There's a 95% chance that there's more to you than YOU even know.

Emma Stone's Break Up Story

So in the newest edition of Interview Mag, director Cameron Crowe interviewed Emma Stone. He asked her a question about her first heart ache. Here's what she had to say:

"I was crawling on the floor. I remember throwing up. It was so visceral. It's like someone has killed you and you have to live through it and watch it happen...It was awful."

I KNOW IT, GIRL! It's crazy because if you're not going through a break up, those words seem SUPER dramatic. But if you are, you COMPLETELY understand. It really is painful - emotionally and physically.

But it's nice to know that you're not alone, and that even celebrities feel this way!

Drink, Drink, Drink...

What do you think my friends' first suggestion was post break-up?

TO DRINK!

A lot of people do things to numb the pain: drinking, eating, etc. I don't want to get too graphic. 

But it's really important to DEAL with the emotions in a healthy way (read: soberly), and deal with reality. 

That being said...drinking can be fun once in a while. And there is NOTHING wrong with a glass of wine....or two.

More on the Cleanse

So it has now been 4 days. 4 WHOLE DAYS! I had to delete his number from my phone (Don't worry, I wrote it down and "hid" it) to remove the temptation.

I got really drunk last night....but it was my first time OUT out since the break up. Don't judge me.

It was hard, but life goes on. And you gotta roll with the punches!

30-Day Cleanse

So I've decided to go on a 30-Day Cleanse...and not the kind that includes lots of cayenne pepper drinks, the break-up 30-Day Cleanse.

My ex and I decided (well, I guess technically he decided, but I was thinking the same thing!!!) that we need to distance ourselves. What we were doing wasn't really working. And when I say "wasn't really working" I mean wasn't working at all.

Okay, fine, I admit it. We'd texted occasionally, talked on the phone a few times, and even saw a show with a group of friends.

It wasn't working.

As much as I wanted to believe that we could be friends (I mean, come on, we were friends long before we were dating!), it just isn't possible right now.

So I've started the Cleanse! Today was day #1. No texts, no calls, no Facebook posts, no Words With Friends. This is not going to be easy. In fact, it's going to be very hard. But there's nothing I like more than a challenge.

I'll keep you posted!

Excuses...excuses....

Break ups????

If only it was that easy...

Love vs. Fear

Break ups are supposed to get better with time, right? Well I don't know about you, but I'm about ready for that part to kick in. But I digress.

I've been thinking a lot about my relationship. (obviously, you're blogging about it, Jess...)

I know, I know, but hear me out. So I dated my ex for about 2 years and was "involved" with him for about 3. That's a pretty long time. The time between the "involved" portion and the "dating" portion included a lot of me fighting to convince him to be with me.

I remember when I first met him. I got those butterflies that everyone talks about. I knew that I wanted to be more than friends.

But even when we were dating, I always had this fear of impending doom. Like deep down I knew that it wouldn't last forever.

I want to share this section from a book I'm reading.

"Falling  in love (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear."

Still letting that one simmer, but thought I would share.

Words With...Ex?

Is Words With Friends the new drunk text? My ex and I haven't been communicating much lately, but we're still playing Words With Friends!

Yesterday he "nudged" me to make a move. I don't know...but something about that seems weird.

It's like....what does that "nudge" really mean? Does it mean I'm thinking about you? Does it mean I LOVE YOU AND I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE??!?!

Kidding, I know it doesn't mean that! But there's something very strange about it.

But I still made a move...

Eventually you'll remember his faults...

So it's been a few weeks. Relatively fresh, but I've passed the one month mark.

But, do you notice that you really only remember the good times right after the break up?

It doesn't matter if 90% of the time things were bad, you're going to think about that 10% for a while.

Not that I'm saying that's true for me...but my relationship certainly was not perfect. I spent a lot of time worrying about the status of my relationship and less time enjoying it than I should have.

But right now, it's all Valentine's and loving memories.

.....I'm ready to move on to the bad memories...

When I give in and text my ex....

Don't Waste the Pretty!

No matter how old you are, you're only going to get older. So don't waste the pretty, people! Get back into the game and find someone who treats you like the Queen you are!

Feeling Down???

Cheer up! You have things to be thankful for.

One of those things being that you are not this woman...

Monthly Check-in

Well....it's been exactly 4 weeks - one month - since I was dumped.

You ask how it feels? It still feels pretty sucky.

Week 1 feels like it was YEARS ago. Imagine....4 weeks ago today I literally couldn't imagine myself getting through the WEEK, let alone getting through the MONTH.

Week 2 was strange. It was beginning to sink in and feel real. The "fighter" in me kicked in.

Week 3 was optimistic. I began to see the positives, I was feeling stronger...it seemed like things were looking up.

Week 4 was angry. I guess what they say about the stages of grief is right. I just can't seem to find consistency in my stages.

But I really do believe that the hardest part is over. If you're a month in, congratulations. Let's keep living and loving life - curve balls and all.

Don Draper Wisdom

A lot of people stay with someone because they're convinced that that person can "change." 

Guess what.....people don't change for other people. 

Imagine how hard it is to change for yourself...so why would you change for someone else?

The lesson is that people don't change. They are who they are, you can take it or leave it. In the immortal words of Don Draper...

"People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be."

               -Don Draper

Dealing With It

How to handle a man....

It's an age old question.

Sorry, men out there reading this blog, but sometimes you guys can be reallllly emotionally unintelligent.

Sometimes after a break up, the best thing for both parties is distance. That's usually hard for a lot of people. If your ex is making it difficult, I feel your pain.

But you have to be strong. Don't believe them if they start saying things that sound like they're changing their minds...most of the time they're just confused and still hurting. Not being able to commit 100% to a decision is a sign of weakness, and nobody needs that.

AnGrY pOsT

My books have not gotten here yet....

HMPH

Don't Blame Yourself...

Now if you cheated on your ex or you were a horrible girlfriend or you put too many demands on your ex, then yes....blame yourself.

BUT, if your situation is anything like mine, you have to make sure NOT to blame yourself.

I know everyone says that the "it's not you, it's me" line is bull shit, but there is truth in that.

I was a great girlfriend, and my ex will be the first to admit that. But sometimes your best is not what he needs. This is not your fault, and you shouldn't waste ANY time feeling guilty or thinking "what could I have done?" because this is a waste of time.

I am definitely guilty of feeling this way, but when I do I make sure to remind myself that this was not my fault.

LOVE YOURSELF! And before you know it, someone else will love you just as much.

I FIGURED IT OUT!

Omg....I realized exactly what happened!

98 degrees kidnapped and brainwashed my ex!

But seriously I heard this on the radio and this is LITERALLY exactly how it went down.

The Hardest Thing

Should have seen this one coming...

This picture was taken a mere days before D-Day. (That would be the break up in case anyone was unclear...) We attended a wedding, and I think it really got to him.

Look at how happy I look.

Now in order to keep his anonymity and save him from any embarrassment, I have scratched out his face. But it looks something like this....

HE WAS BUGGING OUTTTTTT. In hindsight, I should have seen this coming.

PS I am GLOWING in this picture. Who would break up with that?!